Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Holding it together

I'm a master at holding it together. For a while.

Every now and then I erupt.

It might not take much - but when I reach the tipping point, I just can't help myself.

Once, in sacrament meeting, Kent started talking to me in a normal voice while the sacrament was being passed. I kept telling him to wait, but he kept talking. I started getting upset and had to actually walk out while the sacrament was still being passed, so I could go off and cry.

Usually, though, it's something like I have asked the girls to do something and asked them and asked them and they just don't do it, and eventually I start yelling and screaming. Or my eruption isn't even related to the problem - but something triggers it and I go off.

Sometimes it takes the form of not speaking to anyone (particularly the trigger).

I'm pretty good at not yelling since we moved to an apartment building, but I did slam my bedroom door the other day (can't even remember why, just that I was mad at Cayla).

It might show up when I am watching a TV show and something sad happens and I start blubbering.

But Mom is dying. Things seem to be progressing faster now (or regressing, depending on your POV). Her condition has declined and I really don't know how long she has on this earth.

My post yesterday addressed this. And since my posts go to my Facebook, my friends (and page subscribers) see them. So a friend commented - a nice comment that we are in her prayers (thank you, Brenda). And I'm already tearing up.

So, while I seem to be handling things "well" on the outside, or at least not having a melt-down, be warned. I am more tightly-wound than you might expect and I could go off at any moment, and I can't even predict what form it will take.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Change isn't always fun

Mom in happier days.  

Last Thursday I rented "The Hobbit" and took my laptop to the nursing home to watch it with Mom. Since the movie is nearly 3 hours long, I didn't expect to watch the whole thing with her in one day.

I watched about 45 minutes there. Mom watched 5-10 minutes (not all at once) and dozed off. I finished watching it at home.

On Sunday, I visited her twice. The first time she didn't wake up at all, so I sat and read from my Kindle Fire. The second time, she woke up a bit, and I talked to her, but I don't think she comprehended what I was saying. She tried to say something once, but it was just garbled.

The rest of the time she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. I don't know if it was voluntary or involuntary. When I held her hand, she squeezed my fingers, but I don't think that was voluntary, either.

One of the aides said her color wasn't good. I hadn't noticed, except that her arm was red and blotchy (mottling?). All in all, these are not good signs.

Today the hospice nurse called. She had visited Mom today and wanted to be sure we were aware that her condition has declined.

In January, we didn't expect her to last this long. Her condition then was bad enough that we thought she would be dead in days. She had rebounded a bit for a while, but now I think we're looking at a timeline of days again.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

How long does food last?

This is something I sometimes have trouble with. I pull a package of meat out of the freezer but don't use it right away when it is defrosted.

Then I wonder, what day did I pull that out? Is it still good? Often I end up throwing stuff away because we didn't use it soon enough.

This infographic from All You should help:

How long does food last? Here's what to keep... and what to toss.
[Source: Daily Savings from All You]

Does that clear things up? I should start labeling things with the date I got them or when I pull them out of the freezer.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Stand up

I didn't know this boy. My daughter in high school didn't know him, either. He killed himself today.

One of his friends made this video. It is worth watching.

I really think the video says it all.